The truth about the modern dating lifestyle in the city

the truth about modern dating in the city

Why am I always deleting all dating apps and re-downloading them the same day? It is a pretty similar situation with my food delivery apps to be honest.

Every week starts with me saying ''I am so done with dating'' or something along those lines. All whilst downloading a third dating app and writing an email to a company saying ''no thank you I cannot promote your new dating app cause dating sucks.'' It seems like ever since I moved to the city I have developed this love/hate relationship with dating and guys and I just can't pick a side. (slowly going more towards hate though)

I never thought it would be so much more difficult than dating in small towns - maybe it is the amount of choice people have in the city compared to a town where everyone knows everyone and you quickly have to settle for the first best thing before there is no one left. (seriously think this is the case with some couples I see *sips coffee*)

So why why why is dating so exhausting?

the truth about modern dating in the city
The rules of the game

Now if you have never listened to Demi Lovato ''games'' I strongly recommend you close this tab now and go listen to that song first. It's so relatable that it actually makes me so mad. Especially the ''text on read, and it ain't no accident'' literally sums up modern dating in one line. I don't know if it's to blame on my Dutch roots but I personally hate hate hate all these stupid games and rules everyone has to follow now.

The whole ''I saw and read the text on purpose and am not going to reply until tomorrow to mess with your head'' type situation actually drives me insane - when I first joined all the dating apps I was so confused (and naive) and thought they must be busy and don't have time to reply and I would literally wait or send more texts to prove how ''fun and cute'' I was.


But now, they'll be blocked and archived within seconds. I'm so over it.


I don't think I fit in with all these rules and tricks people have come up with. I must have missed the delivery day of my list of rules because I will always be upfront about anything. (possibly the reason why I'm still single but would never get on the ''hard to get'' train) There is really no time to waste in this life so if you're into someone - tell them. If not, don't lead them on and  just be honest. I genuinely think guys think we are all waiting for them to fall in love with us and that we would be heartbroken if they don't. I couldn't care less but I just don't want my time wasted.

Everyone is too damn busy all the time

In a city where everyone is so caught up with working their way up the career ladder, it is hard to find someone to give you the time of day. Even the Zara employees are more patient than the guys I have met here.

Maybe it's me and my expectations of someone actually showing up and not cancelling at the last second but I never thought that would be an unreasonable expectation, until I moved here. The amount of times I was let down by guys I had never met before made me want to delete all apps over and over again.

It wasn't that I was desperate to meet them, hell not even close. It's the fact that someone doesn't take my time and schedule into consideration - as if I don't have anything better to do on a Tuesday night than meeting a stranger for overpriced cocktails and going through the exhausting ''so what do you do for work'' chat again.

From now on I'm going to bring my CV to first dates so we can skip that part.

the truth about modern dating in the city

I understand when someone puts their work first, I would too. And that's the thing, I am just as busy and so is everyone else - but we always will be. I have just had enough of guys who think their time and work is more important than mine.

the truth about modern dating in the city
the truth about modern dating in the city
Lack in courage - all anyone wants is convenience

The lack in Courage from everyone in real life is shocking. Myself included. Everyone I talk to still says they would prefer to meet someone in a bar or cafe but no one dares to go up to anyone anymore. With apps like ''Happn'', where you can match with someone you crossed paths with, all the hope for people to go up to someone is gone. I actually only downloaded this one time when I was working in Starbucks and there was a cute guy sitting a few tables away from me, just to match with him on there so I woudn't have to put myself out there IRL. How ridiculous.

Nowadays all anyone wants is Convenience; you can be talking to someone for a few days non-stop but as soon as they realise you're more than 30 minutes on the central line away, it's a no. Actually, only a small percentage of people on dating apps would leave their house for a date. A lot of them would just message for days without ever meeting up, a bit like those holiday pen-pals you had when you where younger who you would write letters to even though you knew you would never see them again. It's not surprising, everything is becoming more convenient - from Ubereats to Amazon prime delivery but it's sad that a lot of people back out of dating as soon as any effort and inconvenience is involved. Even writing this now I am laughing at how ridiculous it is that even wanting to meet someone for a drink or coffee and them showing up is having high hopes. To think that when I was little I believed in all those movie miracles. We're not all expecting someone to fly over from Paris with L'aduree macarons anymore but,

where has the adventure gone?